As we distinguished in a previous article, a company is made up of and gets its work done through the network of conversations (such as speaking, listening, emailing, and body language). When these conversations are high quality, then exceptional results can be created. Conversely, when these conversations are low quality, they do not create the results we intend.

So, how do we identify low-quality conversations, and transform them into high-quality conversations?

At Viewscape, we take the stance that there are two main types of conversations: the first type are conversations that you have out in the world, that people can see, hear, and say out loud - we call these foreground conversations.  The second kind of conversations are the ones you have with yourself, often inside your head. They may be unconscious, but their existence creates a context from which you view the world, and from which your actions flow - we call these background conversations.

Which one of these conversations has more power and influence over our lives? You likely guessed it… the background conversations we have with ourselves. These background conversations are the most influential because they drive our behaviour, our actions and, ultimately determine the quality of the results we create (or fail to create). We can even enrol others in these conversations through gossiping, assumption-making, or the way we subconsciously react to certain situations or people.

Background conversation exists ‘out of sight’, and are seldom brought out into the open. 

Think back for a moment to the last time you felt slighted, blindsided, belittled or unappreciated in a work interaction. Chances are you had a conversation with yourself about the person causing you this angst.

Consider the case of one of my clients, the CEO of a healthcare company. I had the chance to observe her in a series of strategy conversations I was facilitating in the fall of 2019. She had always been someone who had an unparalleled depth of presence and awareness with anyone she was talking to. But it turned out, there was an exception to this behaviour: the COO. Anytime her COO would open his mouth during the session, my client would not so subtly tune out. This came in the form of a barely audible sigh and a turning of her eyes down to her notebook in front of her. At times, she would get visibly impatient (toe tapping, eye rolling) while the COO was speaking. 

At one of the breaks, I pulled my client aside to check in with her. “What’s the story with you and Mike?” I said. 

“Oh, I thought you would have seen it by now. He’s always such a contrarian. The guy never seems to be able to get behind an idea.” 

Much to my client’s disappointment, I had noticed nothing of the sort - enter the background conversation (that she was attempting to enrol me in)!

My client had a dominant background conversation about her COO being contrarian. In fact, this background conversation was so pervasive that it had grown into a sort of filter through which she listened. This filter only let through opinions and facts that reinforced the story about the COO being contrarian, regardless of what was actually said. And like a good filter, it prevented her from listening objectively to her COO’s important points of view. While the ‘facts’ were simply that the COO had said “I have a concern about operationalizing this idea”, the story that my client told herself sounded like “This idiot always disagrees.” Over time, this background conversation had not just become an opinion, it had become “fact”, and had begun to shape my client’s behaviour. 

The real problem with background conversations is that, if they remain in the background, they quickly become filters (and not the kind that keep bad stuff out!) These filters distort our lens on objective reality and mute both our individual and collective impact and momentum. 

The solution? Bring your background conversations into the foreground.

Before you step into action, consider that this is an artful process that requires more than simply narrating all of your habitual thoughts, judgments, criticisms, and complaints. This narration is only the first step, which is to become aware of your background conversations and any associated filters. Start by taking any situation where you have a judgment, criticism or complaint and ask yourself this: “What am I making up about this situation and/or this person/people?” 

For instance, in the case of my CEO client, she was making up that her COO was trying to put a stop to her innovation agenda. In reality, the COO had some legitimate concerns about operationalizing some ideas.

Once you have compiled a list of the things that you are making up about the situation and the people in it, you can decide whether this background conversation is one that needs to be brought to the foreground (saying something / speaking up). 

Here’s the litmus test: Ask yourself: “Will bringing this background conversation to the foreground increase the quality of the conversation we’re having?” If the answer is yes, bring it forward. If the answer is no, best to do some work to re-tune your filter and question your judgments. 

If you decide to bring it forward, there is an art to it. If you have common language as a team about background conversations, then using this language can help. For example; If you’re having a background conversation about how your team always gets left out of big decisions, you could bring this forward by saying: “My background conversation is that my team often gets left out of big organizational decisions. I feel like this is happening again here.” 

Yes it takes courage, but bringing it forward will certainly increase the quality of the conversation and create a better outcome. 

If you don’t have common language to use for background conversations and foreground conversations, you could try this: “I’m not feeling like my team was consulted about this decisions we’re about to make. Can we pause for a moment and get aligned?” 

Again, it is all about the language and tone. 

There is no surefire recipe for success and you will have to work at bringing your background conversations to the foreground. When you do, two things will likely happen: 

First, you’ll start bringing voice to the covert narratives that drive your behaviours. You might not always get it right, but with practice you’ll learn more artful ways to bring these out. 

Second, you’ll make it safe for others to bring their own background conversations to the foreground. Remember, EVERYONE has them. And you’ll continue to have them! The intent is not to eradicate every background conversation in your arsenal, but instead, to move more quickly through a cycle of awareness where conversations are brought to the foreground on an ongoing basis.

Well - what are you waiting for?